Dear boy,
It really is true, all the absolutely incredible guys are gay. I kinda thought we'd be a good couple, we had tons in common and I thought it could be worth it to date a co-worker. Nope. As it turns are, you like guys.
Actually, I have no problems with that. I never have problems with people who like the same gender. You could be gay, lesbian, transgendered, or a hermaphrodite and I legitimately, would never, ever care. I want you to be my friend. I think we would be fantastic friends, Dillon!
Which, of course, you'll also never read this, BUUUUTTT I think you're a cool guy and I enjoy my time at work with you. So here's to you, Dillon. An amazing guy that, that I'm very disappointed, isn't straight ;P
My name is Jawzii and this is for you!
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